Guy: Yo girl, I gotta song for you.
Girl: Okay. What you got?
Guy, beginning to beat-box: You a five-star bitch, I got a five-star dick…
Girl: Hahahaha.
Guy: Eight inches long and just as thick…
Girl: What!? Hold up!
–W. 110th & Malcom X
Overheard by: The Music Man
Cute girl to drunk friend sitting provocatively with a miniskirt on: Sit up, Beth, your coochie’s hangin’ out.
Drunk friend: I can’t get up. (yelling) Does anyone on this train have a problem with my vagina hanging out?
(train is silent)
Drunk friend: See? No one cares. Vaginas are like modern art these days.
Cute girl: I guess.
Drunk friend: You could take a picture of my snatch right now, frame it, make it look like Warhol, and it would sell in the MoMA for five thousand bucks. Hell, I should be charging admission fees right now. Anyone who comes to see my snatch exhibit and doesn’t buy a copy is a misogynist.
–A Train
Hasn’t That Exhibit Been Done? overheard in new york
Jamaican man: The biggest issue of our society is not terrorism but men lusting after women’s butts! If you lust after women’s butts you will burn in hell! Women, do not show off your butts for you will burn in hell! Do not wear jeans or tight pants! Make sure you cover up your butts!
Passenger: I love the butts.
Jamaican man: Do you have no soul? The lust of the women’s butts will only bring you to the devil! Please save yourself and stop lusting after the butts!
Passenger: Who loves the butts?
All men on train: Yay butts!
–Uptown 4 Train
Overheard by: white girl with a big butt wearing tight pants
Kid #1: How old is she?
Kid #2: Six.
Kid #1: And she’s goth?
–Myrtle Ave & Washington, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dark Lord in Training
I Blame The Who-Cares Bears Movie overheard in new york
Gangsta #1: Yo, before meiosis shit’s gotta do DNA replication.
Gangsta #2: What you talkin about? It just splits in fuckin half.
Gangsta #1: Nigga, you dumb.
–Downtown 4 Train
Why You Gotta Be Ignorant All Your Life?
overheard in new york
Teen to friend: With big asses come big responsibilities.
Friend: True, true.
–Grand Concourse
Nerdy guy: Some super powers come with implied powers. Like the power of flight. You assume the power of wind resistance, because you’d get pretty freaking cold flying 200 mph. But no one ever thinks of that.
–Fordham Law School