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Fire department president Roger Nogyand his friend cheated at a game of bingo to win the 1500$ prize in Belle Vernon. Damn. It was report a few days ago. The incident happened in May.

“What’s right is right,” said Daneen Watson. “What’s wrong is wrong. It was irrespectable bingo up there.”

I’m digging the comment section.

Pittsburgh International Airport, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

1. YOU AREN’T CONFUSING. The legendary suck airport we all must compare to is OHare. OHare is extremely large, which would be fine if you could get from one terminal to the next without having to get out of the airport and go through security again. Pittsburgh International has two parts for the general public: ground stuff (check-in/ground transportation/baggage claim/aka land terminal) and air stuff (flight terminals and air mall — the “core”). These areas are two separate buildings, to be traveled between with an underground train. After a traveler gets wanded and probed, he goes into the waiting area flanked by two enclosed subway trains. Usually both are running. Speaking of being probed…

2. YOUR SECURITY ISN’T A FUCKING BITCH. There are twenty billion metal detectors (okay, around ten) with clear denotations of where their lines are. These lines stem from two main lines of people coming down from ticketing. Yes, coming down from: ticketing is an upper level. And a traveler knows where to go because

3. YOU HAVE SIGNS EVERYWHERE AND ARE EASY TO READ. This is another pitfall of OHurk — signage is suckage. Not in Pittsburgh. There are signs every 100 feet. There are signs in the main intersections, in the hallways, in the ticketing area, almost everywhere! Only nuance: bathrooms do not have giant signs. This smallness is made up with the fact that he signs are in the hallways as well as on the bathroom entryways. The bathroom areas also have a smooth wall texture than the normal wall’s brick pattern. Visual cues!

4. YOU CAN HAS FREE WIFI INTERNETS. I love you. New Hampshire = no freeness. Like a yutz I have paid ten dollars for three hours of internet access. Not in black and gold land. Midway also has internets. I’m guessing most places do now. I hope so anyway. Midway not only has free internets, it has bench stations complete with stools, electrical outlets, and USB outlets in the Southwest terminal’s cul-de-sac. V cool, Midway, very cool. Unfortunately, during my times there, access was a “local only” connection. What the bukkake is that about? Midway, I almost fell for you!

5. YOU EMBRACE THE CITY’S HISTORY IN A NONHOKEY WAY. Whoever designed the interior spaces remembered that Pittsburgh is full of people that don’t forget a thing. They still talk about the Iron Curtain of the 70s, Roberto Clemente, how bitchy Barry Bonds was (waaaait that isn’t that old), how the steel mills affected everything, what bridges were fixed when, how much Carnegie shafted his workers and then how much he gave back to the city in museums and libraries. Ooooh the library system of Allegheny County. For another time. The city-related eye candy isn’t inflated Hellene inspired poop. The main concourse crossroads have art hanging from the ceiling (s’up Calder) and new visitors are greeted by Franco Harris and George Washington, passing by the Tyrannasaurus rex on the way to the trains. The Carnegie Museum of Natural History has a world renowned dinosaur exhibit. If you haven’t seen it, you should.

6. YOUR DECOR SUCKS IN A FABULOUS WAY. Grey. Grey everywhere. This should be a bad thing, am i rite? No! Other airports use white. I think I figured out why I’m always headachey in other places. In combination with the fluorescent lights, most airports have white walls and colorful carpet or white tile. When I’m stressed, dehydrated, and in a strange place, I’m not in the mood for my eyes being bombarded with more information than needed. In Pittsburgh I can actually concentrate on what I’m doing rather than, say, how I’m going to bash the fluorescent lights in my path. My phone is a great projectile, but my wallet would be less damaged by the blow. The building leaves the color to the stores and food shops. The fine art and Spirit of St Louis replica don’t hurt, either.

OHare sucks less in this department: windows for walls wherever possible. New York’s JFK is poop. All I remember is how BRIGHT it seemed to be. I’m going to group music into this section. Burgh Intl has classical music constantly. This makes for cool eeiriness when you get in after 10pm and barely anyone is around. It makes for good background when everybody is hustly bustly. It makes for general awesomeness in the bathroom and you have to poop and stage fright hits.

Honorable mention: Detroit’s Northwest Concourse. No suckage. It’s new, it’s clean, it’s not annoying. The tunnel to get there is covered in a light show with corny synthesizer music, and the terminal has a water fountain display like the one in the Carnegie Science Center. If only I didn’t have to take Northwest to use that terminal only to get canceled connecting flights requiring nights in Detroit hotels with noisy sexin’ neighbors… I might actually like that half of the airport. The other half smells like an old high school and looks like one, too.

7. FOOD IS AVAILABLE AND IN ALL PLACES. And not in a three places to choose from way. There are the standard Sbarros, McDonalds, and Mexican place of the week — most recently Qdoba has popped in, maybe this one will stick — but there is also a couple sandwich and health nut places bigger than a kiosk. There’s a Ben and Jerry’s. Nomnoms. There are several news shops with snacks, beverages, and gum as well. There isn’t a main cafeteria section, but there are places to sit to eat. Bars and restaurants are still around.

8. THE SEATING ISN’T A POOPFEST. The chairs are wide and there is padding. It isn’t the best, but it most certainly isn’t the worst. Atlanta, I’m looking at you. Atlanta and Pittsburgh do have a similarity though. Soooo many seats. So many. If people are sitting on the floor, it’s because they want to. There are enough seats.

In summation: ilu Pittsburgh International.