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As a bit of a humanist, I avoid political sides as to focus on the main points I care about. Ignoring the rest of the razzle dazzle is optimal. I look for facts while respecting the beliefs of others as long as they do not harm people or animals. Unfortunately, other people are not so moderate, rabidly defend one side or another. The U of I area brings left-wing, almost libertarian flack in the midst of flat out gun-toting farmers, while heading into Pittsburgh means preparing myself for a lot of right wing bullshit.

I spent the holiday weekend in Pittsburgh with my family. It was a good visit. My grandma is fucking old and has, among other things, scleroderma, a disease that will end her life. She doesn’t seem to grasp that part so it’s hush hush. Even if we told her she’d forget anyway. Scleroderma is a tightening of the derma on and in your body; your skin as well as the “skins” of your organs will be affected.

I try to take it easy around her, giving her mind some breathing room when it comes to what she says. The last time I had been home was for a funeral over a month ago, ie lots of sad things and crying. This past weekend was especially trying because we kept talking about the news. In response to her yammering on about the only news is bad news now I said to her, “Well, there are other networks out there you can watch other than Fox News.” She spit back — and I mean FLUNG it like an angry poo — “You radicals don’t get it! THEY’RE the only ones telling the TRUTH!”

…Okay, nice to see you, too.

The next day she mentioned how her 89-year-old sister, forever a democrat, did not vote for Obama-Biden and instead voted for McCain-Palin. She never said “My sister won’t admit she doesn’t like Obama because he’s black,” but she meant it. Closet racists are good at wording. Which led us to:

“I like that Sarah Palin.”

“Sito, she’s not very bright.”

“Oh yes she is! Very intelligent. The media just made her look bad.”

“But she puts her daughter all over the networks to get attention.”

“I don’t understand that! Who cares about that stuff anyway?! I don’t care if she gets back with the father of her child. Why do they have that in the magazines at all?”

“She also, during the campaign, was known for her ‘Drill, baby, drill!’ catchphrase. When that oil rig busted in the Gulf of Mexico, that was an American rig leased to BP. Sarah Palin went on about how foreign oil is bad, but it was in the Gulf!”

“Well… she misspoke. I like her.”

That’s how a severely right wing octogenarian reasons about subject matter. At a certain point when given facts, she just sort of blanks out and stops receiving the information. She agreed about the bad steps Palin took, yet still likes her and refuses to believe Sarah herself had anything to do with her daughter being plastered all over the media. It’s rougher when it’s a person that is young and active in the world and still holds this belief that the right is always right, and when a conservative does something stupid is was just a simple misstep, forgivable and human. HOW CAN YOU DEAL?!

Treat her like an old person no matter her age. The only thing keeping me from yelling at my grandma was remembering she’s really, really old and her tape recorder has run out of fresh tape. Give the most basic reasoning with specific examples of counterargument and hope for the best. If it doesn’t work out, remember that you aren’t crazy, and she is stuck in a time from before that never actually existed, where all races keep to themselves, gay isn’t real, and women aren’t as capable as men.

Now then, our friends on the left.

I was having lunch with some friends at a diner about a month ago, and one of them, Al, was the special guest as he lives in Washington, DC. His fiancee texted him that on her airplane, some WWII vets were present and the crew thanked them for their service. She basically wanted to throw up, saying how very Texas such an announcement was (I believe she was connecting in a Texan airport.) Al relayed the message to us in disgust. How could anyone celebrate a person who killed people? he wondered aloud in so many words and curses.

Last time I checked, a shit-ton of people who served in World War II for the United States were drafted. They defected or were jailed if they didn’t want to report for duty. Your service was mandatory back then, not like the optional signups now. He then laughingly made a curt statement: there’s nothing after death, you’re just dead. That’s how it is and believing anything else was stupid beyond belief. Nevermind that I’m fairly certain at least two people at our table believe in some form of afterlife and one of those people is Catholic. He said it was stupid to believe in an afterlife in front of the Catholic who has never pushed his beliefs onto anyone.

Our lefties are brash intellectuals who make you feel stupid, effectively shutting you up instead of having an actual conversation on the issue. HOW TO DEAL???

Remember these people, as children, may have been pushed around for being a dorky smartie. As adults they are using their brains to logic out anything into their favor. Even if that isn’t true for each individual, it allows you to prepare for the type of attack. At times these types can be dealt with. You have to side-swipe him first. He can’t see it coming. Calling him a “stupid poopyhead” is a good way to start. Get his brain to stop for a moment, then give your opinion on the matter calmly while still complimenting him on his own beliefs. Hopefully this will lead to a thoughtful conversation where he will ingest your arguments and at least respect them. Hell, use the word “respect” when he’s saying you’re an old stuck-in-the mud for believing anything he doesn’t believe. Remind him that the whole idea of having freedom of religion and everything else was to be able to hold different ideas and still be friends or at least be able to work with one another. Unfortunately, I was so shocked by his asshole comments I did react properly to the situation, looking down at the table to keep from exploding. He was pretty callous.

When I replay that moment back in my head, I call him a poo face for being so callous towards his friends’ beliefs, and I remind him that military service used to be from mandatory drafting — while he can’t change the past, he can at least acknowledge the now old men who gave up their most energetic years so that their families can stay alive. Slamming people doesn’t really help a situation unless you’re drunk, at a bar, and need something to rant about. Seriously, you just made the 45 minutes your friends spent with you a terrible experience. How is that a good thing?

Please, do not let these people drive you crazy. Remember, the internet has all of their opinions and everything in between and beyond. The library has all the knowledge of all the cultures of the world at your fingertips. Card Catalogs! Hope for the children! And for us. We have to at least try.

*disclaimer: Art is good to have in your life, even if you suck at it. I’m glad that folks with even minute inborn talent strive to make pretty or ugly things for their enjoyment. Don’t expect me to always enjoy it with you. It can be a therapeutic stress reliever, a break in the day-to-day grind to make art photos. If you don’t have an eye, you need to learn how to get one. Own up and respect will always stay up with your zeal for photography. This rant is for those who do not own up.

Now then.

A lot of people in the world get fancy cameras and sort of know how to use them. A lot of them take pictures of “serious” things and think they are serious photographs. A lot of these people are sorely mistaken that their images are high quality. While I did not major in photography, I did fancy it quite a bit and focused on DSLRs, though originally trained on a film SLR in black and white. That’s right. I have black and white cred. Light that shit on fire, Shoshannah. I know when my images are shit, and I know half if not most of them will not be acceptable to be viewed by others’ eyes.

I’m sick and fucking tired of people who just take a picture and think that it’s art. There is a HUGE difference between taking a scrapbook snapshot and taking a good picture, and there is another large gap between and interesting picture and a plain one. Just because the fancy camera can take the picture for you doesn’t mean it’s a good picture.

1. Taking a goddamn picture of a goddamn river is not art. Taking a goddamn picture of a goddamn river at an interesting angle creating an engaging perspective is. Taking a picture straight on of something is a record maker, like cataloging what a thing looks like in a reference book. You want something people pay for? Fucking make it interesting. The exception to this is that there will always be people buying skyline pictures that are flat and boring. This goes for any type of landscape, with a general focus and little depth being created. These pictures are for street vendors. These pictures are shit anywhere else.

2. Taking a goddamn picture of a goddamn dog is not art. It’s a picture of a dog. Make it interesting: the dog is making a funny face, the body is engaged in motion, its fur is prickled, the main focus is the dog, the dog is not the center of the image. Capture the moment. Again, taking a straight on, centered picture is BORING. It does not tell a story.

3. Taking a goddamn picture of a dog-gammed model is not art. You want a model that gets into it, that feels the energy of the surroundings or can fake the feeling when there isn’t one. You want a model that activates the entire image. Is the model the focus or is something else in the picture? Fucking decide and focus on it, and hire someone who can act and can provide an essence in need of capturing.

4. Taking a goddamn picture in super fucking focus is a good way to get punched in the face. OH LOOK AT ALL THIS BLURRY SHIT, THERE’S ONLY ONE THING TO LOOK AT OOO ART. Fuck you, pretentious shithole, if the composition of the image is blah, Gaussian blur will not save your ass. Speaking of composition and putting the focus of the image at the center of the picture:

5. Centering your object is another good way to get punched in the face. Composition is that thing I keep mentioning and not explaining. COMPOSITION = the arrangement of the objects/scenery/models/colors/distances within the frame. If everything is in a row, it better mean something or else your picture blows ass. Should composition be messy? Only when it’s called for. Elsewise, your mission is to get the eye to move throughout the image, bonus points to those with an intended ending gazing point. If you put the main focus in the center, the eyes do nothing. There is no discovery. STOP CENTERING SHIT I HIGHLY DOUBT YOU ARE RECORDING LIFE EVENTS FOR AN ENCYCLOPEDIA.

6. PORTRAITS ARE NOT EXCUSES TO MAKE GENERIC IMAGES. Your job is to freeze that moment in time, and make it a good one. That’s it. Regardless of where you are taking the picture, it’s your fucking job to highlight the warmth/coldness/glow/emptiness and general emotion of your subject, and to do it in a fine focus that highlights their qualities without using that low focus shit that flattens the image onto the page. You want to forget that photograph is flat. You want that person to come off of the paper.

I don’t care how nice your camera is, if you are using it for anything other than “this camera is awesome, look at what it does!” you damn well better appreciate your technology and use it properly.