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Oh Victoria’s. Really?

“Invisible” lace. So let’s get this straight: you’re advertising the see-through lace isn’t actually see-through? This lace effectively airbrushes your body to not appear to have nipples or any type of crotch hair or skin folds or anything, rendering you more like a cartoon character than a real human. Reminds me of cheaper underwear that can’t afford to use real lace and has to use more fabric for support of the fake lace.

Are we all starring in a movie we need to make PG-13? Can’t have an R so we can get the kiddies? Maybe this is just a way the lingerie clothing company is allowing people to be ashamed of the normal parts of their bodies, things that are supposed to be there. I could have sworn that the fun part of having lacy underthings was the peep show factor or maybe getting to see something intimate (or just plain dirrrty for those of you that need the kink factor), like how the Rockettes and can-can dancers do high kicks that could lead to a peek at the lady bits.

Oh well.

Victoria’s Secret has been pushing their “cheeky” undies a lot in the last year. My inbox is full of ads for them. While they can have adorable patterns, one feeling is clear: this underwear is made to give wedgies.

Now, I don’t know about you, general readers aged 19-27, but I am in probably the best shape I’ll ever be and my skin is as elastic as it can get. I’m going to lounge about the indoor homestead in my underoos every chance I can. This lack of clothing means I need underwear that actually covers my buns to prevent cat hair and whatever from getting on my tush, as well as protecting furniture from smelling like ass. Besides my freewheeling need to bare almost it all, I also like to be able to walk without feeling something gathering in my crack area. With or without additional layers of clothing, it’s a thing I have to not have anything uncomfortable in the no-zone.

There is a ton of underwear that are cute or sexy and also cover all the buns. Some of those designs even hug the contours of the butt muscles that are exposed in the cheekies.

Are Cheekies cute? Yes. Are they functional? No way, unless you like your anus outsides getting rubbed raw from fabric.